He has never been interviewed. He refused to meet me in person, talk on the phone, or sit still for this profile.

He has never made a film or a painting, nor has he written a poem, taken a picture, or tried to “make” anything. Despite all this, he has fascinated the art world and captivated New York society for the past year. He’s been praised as “unfathomable at best” and “bafflingly circumlocutory at worst” by ArtFinger. He scores twelve out of ten on BaffleMag’s “Scoring the Downtown Scene,” and has been named a “Notable Nelly” in ArtScrape Magazeen’s midyear wrap-up three times in the same list.

When I was assigned to profile him, all I knew was rumors and scuttlebutt. But further reporting only caused the rumors to solidify and the scuttlebutt to harden. Do you know what I mean? You don’t? Read on.